Above my monitor screen is a message I printed out three years
ago. It says simply “Are you building up or tearing down?” It’s meant to be a
constant reminder to watch my words. I love my words! I use them and abuse
them. I can use my words to write stories, to craft a clever email, or to say just
the funniest thing you ever heard. I can change anyone’s mood with my words. I have the
power to make people laugh and smile and feel really good about themselves. But
sometimes, I use my words to cut, to bite, to make someone laugh at the expense
of another. I use them to gossip or spread rumors. I use them to prove that I’m
right. So, I have a visual reminder that
my words produce only one of two possible actions. I can build someone up. I
can make them feel loved and important and wanted and needed. Or, if I chose, I
can make them feel silly and unwanted. I can make a person feel like there is
no place for them near me. I can cut them to the bone and move on with my day.
I don’t like having that power over another person. So, I try. I
try very hard to remember that there is no place for tearing down. It’s not
that hard to remember. When I’m face to face with a real live person, I see their
eyes. I can feel the hurt I inflict, if I chose to inflict it. I can see the
pain in their faces as I speak hateful hurtful words. I don’t want to tear them
down. I may not be great at building up, but I can certainly stop myself from
tearing down.
As I read through Unglued the first time, much of the book
resonated in my heart. I do that. I do that one too. Oh man, that’s totally me
right there. Over and over again, I can see myself. It tells me I’m not alone,
which is comforting, but it also tells me I need to change.
What I realized most of all after reading the chapter on negative
inside chatter, is that I have
changed how I speak to others. I've measured my words and started listening to
what I say to others and how I say it. I've made a huge effort to change my
words to words that build up. I've started deleting the tearing down words from
my vocabulary. But what I've failed to do is to change how I speak to myself.
I’d never thought of applying this simple reminder to my own
thought life. Am I building myself up, or tearing myself down? Where our minds
go, so go our hearts, and our actions, and our lives. What I discovered is that
I don’t build myself up. I tear myself down with the same viciousness that the
Tasmanian Devil tears through the trees in search of Bugs Bunny. I can rip
through my self-esteem with the precision of a surgeon and the destructive
power of an atom bomb. I’m fat. I’m dumb. I’ll never finish my book(s). I’ll
never be a great wife or mother. I’ll never be the friend I’m supposed to be. I
will never accomplish my dreams. Never. Useless. Ineffective. Pitiful. Broken.
But, I know that’s not true. I know that I’m loved and capable and
(if I may say so) pretty smart. I know that I could finish every story I've
ever started, and more if I would just sit down and do it. I know that I could
lose weight if I’d make more of an effort. I know that I can change and be
everything that I’m supposed to be. But it’s that voice, that negative chatter; it is full of the lies that keep me torn down.
I looked up “thoughts” on BibleGateway.com, and what I found was
40 subject references to our thoughts. The majority were about negative inside chatter.
Genesis 6:5 The LORD saw how great the wickedness of
the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all
the time.
Job 20:2 “My troubled thoughts prompt me to answer because I
am greatly disturbed.
Psalm 10:4 In his pride the
wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts
there is no room for God.
Psalm 55:2 …hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
Psalm 94:11 The
LORD knows the thoughts of man; he knows that they are futile.
What this tells me is simple. God knew that we would have
terrible damaging thoughts. He knew, as He knows everything, that if we let our
minds chatter away that we would tear ourselves down, tear others down, and
make ourselves ineffective to serve God’s purpose for our lives. If the Devil
can’t have us, he’ll distract us. What is more distracting that all that
negative chattering that runs through our minds?
But, God gave us a way out too:
Philippians 4:8 Finally,
brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy—think about such
things.
Today, I want to make that change. I want to take God’s way
out. I want to set my thoughts on the truth, on the good, on the positive.