Begining another weight loss journey - DAY 1 of 95

Nearly every day, I look in the mirror and think "how did I get here?" The answer is as plain as either of my chins. I let myself get here. I don't exercise, I eat mostly whatever I want, and I don't drink enough water. Every day starts with good intentions, a prayer for strength, wisdom and will power. I do well for a few hours, and sometimes I make it through lunch without feeling too bad. But, by the end of the workday - I'm done, I either forget to try or just don't want to anymore. I go to bed and think "well, tomorrow is another day, and I can try again." sometimes I do, but sometimes tomorrow is the weekend and I know I can start Monday.
Monday comes and the cycle starts all over again, only this time, I'm starting with another pound or two. After years of starting over every Monday, I've gotten myself into quite an unhealthy state.
I don't know that anyone ever really loves how they look. Sometimes I think we're happy if we "don't mind" the way we look. But, I received a photo of a weekend outing a few days ago. There I am happily smiling like the happy goof that I am, but I was shocked at my size. Shocked. Like when you find out that your favorite aunt is really your uncle. Or when you find out that your great grandma was really the most famous prostitute in the old west. I was that shocked. I know I'm big. I can't help but know it. But I didn't realize how big. I am literally twice as wide as my friend in that picture. Now, don't get me wrong. I know my size has nothing to do with how my friends see me. I know I am loved and that my friends are happy to just be my friends. But, my size also has nothing to do with my friends. It's very personal to me. It's not who I am, but it's who I look like. My goal, to share it with anyone that takes a minute to read this, is to lose 70 pounds by my birthday - October 31st. That gives me 95 days. I know - you should only lose 2-3 pounds per week at the most - but as long as I'm not starving my self or purging -and the loss is from exercise and good food - then less than 1 pound a day probably won't kill me.
I'm not going to share my current weight lest you all run away screaming, but I'll tell you this, my current BMI is 38.4 - depending on which calculator I use I am either obese or morbidly obese. Either way - it's not good.
Starting right now, right this minute, right this very second, I'm putting foot one on the path. And of course, my friend just this second invited me to lunch. I need strength now!

Random Tanget about being a "Good Person"

I read a great blog the other day about how we react in not-so-wonderful situations. Do we stop and think about the words that are about to come spewing out of our mouths, or do we just let them spew forth?  You can read it here: Raw Emotions

I started to think about my own temperament; I'm a reactor. Possibly a nuclear reactor. I answered all of the questions that Lysa posted and as much as I wanted to answer all of her questions in the "I'm a good Bible Study Christian Woman That Loves Everyone and is a Light Shining in this oh so Dark World" way, my honesty won't let me. Apparently I love to escalate issues, make trouble, be known as "harsh," have issues haunt me and I care more about my rights than making right choices. Or I might have been having a bad day when I read it. I'm going to go with the bad day theory because otherwise…well, I don't want to be that other person.

My husband says that sometimes the words come out so fast, no matter what you do, you can't shove them back in. How true!

There are about a hundred times a day when I have the choice to react or to sit quietly and "do the right thing." I'd like to think that I generally sit quietly, but when I reflect back on my actions for each day (yeah, I really do that) I see that there are many (many, many) times when I simply leave the High Road for others to worry about and choose the Low Road, you'd think I'd get tired of wiping the mud off of my feet constantly. I always think of the High Road as being a nice paved two lane highway, it's sometimes hard to get to, but it's a nice ride once you get up there. The Low Road, on the other hand is not paved, some spots might be gravel, but it's mostly mud. But, it's easy to get to because it's at our level, it's right there with no hill climbing or extra equipment needed, we just need to start walking. The bad part is that once you start walking on that low muddy road, the hill to the high road gets taller and steeper. It's never completely impossible to get to, but it does get much harder to reach as we travel forward.

I want to start taking the High Road. I have a pretty steep hill to climb to get there, am I'm more than positive that I'll slide back to the low, comfortable road that I'm used to, but life is not about the destination it's about the journey and the people that travel those roads with you. I don't want to drag anyone down to the Low Road, I'd much rather pull them up to the High Road with me.

What about you? In your heart of hearts. In your secret "real" place where you're totally honest  because there's no room for lies. Which road do you tend to travel? Do you slush along the Low Road because it's easy and comfortable, and it's always there when you need it? Or do you trudge up that hill to the High Road and try not to slide back down?.

Making Friends as an Adult

I've been thinking about friends a lot lately. Mostly because I'm in a new phase of my life, and I'm adding new friends to my world, which is nice.

When we are very young, making friends can be as simple as walking up and saying 'let's be friends.' But as an adult, we like to complicate the whole process. Many of us have been hurt or let down by one friend or another over the years, and we become reluctant to open ourselves up to new people. With every hurt, we close off just a little bit more. We don't give new people a fair shake because we don't want to get hurt again. Why take a chance right?

But I think God wants us to be open and to make new friends, even if we've been hurt. It seems that everything God tells us to do involves other people. We're to serve, to tell, to spread the word, etc. The Bible could easily be taken as a manual on how to treat other people.

So, that made me start to think about how we, as adults, make new friends. Does it just happen? Do you pursue new people to add to your list? Does God put people in our lives so that we will become friends?

I pursue people.

I meet or see someone and think "I want to be friends" I would never in a million years approach someone and say that, but I'm not sure why not. It would be much easier in the long run.

Once I have a friend picked out, I try to learn about them, situate myself around them and then gently nudge my way into their life. I take the very slow gentle approach lest I find myself vulnerable before I'm ready. Nothing hurts worse than being rejected before you've really had a chance to make up your own mind about the friendship.

During this pursuit, I'm very introspective. I think about who I am and why that person would want to be my friend. Being a naturally negative person, my thoughts tend more towards why they wouldn't want to be my friend. But, there's always hope right?

Something else I've noticed is that it takes a lot of energy to pursue a new friend. In fact, so much energy is spent during the pursuit that other prospective new friends aren't even considered for application. I've never taken the perspective that other people might be pursing me to be their new friend (negativity in action.) I'm generally so caught up in trying to please MY new prospect, that I ignore others that might be scoping me out! I wonder how many people I've alienated, ignored, or simply not paid enough attention to while all the time trying to make that one person notice me. Then, what happens if my prospect rejects me? Not only did I not get the friend I wanted, but I might have also missed out on one or more friends that I passed up.

It made me think of every teen angst movie in the 80s. The main character is twitterpaited with someone that is out of their league. The best friend (opposite sex of course) faithfully sits with the main character, saying all the right things and all the time pining away for their friend. The main character is so wrapped up in the object of their affection that they are blind to the love of the best friend. Think Pretty in Pink.

We spend our lives reaching for something we may never grasp, while at the same time, we're letting what we can easily have, fall through our fingers.

I do have other friends. Friends that just happened because of a situation, work, school, church, whatever. These are people that I just happened to see often, started talking to (or they approached me) and then, without even knowing that it happened, we're friends. I think these are the easiest to make because no one is plotting or scheming. No one really "wants" anything from the other person, you just end up as friends because God put you together so that you'd have each other.

My prayer for myself - and others like me - is that even if we continue to pursue that one special friend (and I think we should) that we would still be open to seeing the other people around us. To be aware when our resume is being considered and not to shut out those pursing us. You may never know what you're missing!

How do you make friends as an adult? How can you pursue a new friend without coming off as needy or creepy?