Negative Inside Chatter: Thoughts on Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued

Above my monitor screen is a message I printed out three years ago. It says simply “Are you building up or tearing down?” It’s meant to be a constant reminder to watch my words. I love my words! I use them and abuse them. I can use my words to write stories, to craft a clever email, or to say just the funniest thing you ever heard. I can change anyone’s mood with my words. I have the power to make people laugh and smile and feel really good about themselves. But sometimes, I use my words to cut, to bite, to make someone laugh at the expense of another. I use them to gossip or spread rumors. I use them to prove that I’m right.  So, I have a visual reminder that my words produce only one of two possible actions. I can build someone up. I can make them feel loved and important and wanted and needed. Or, if I chose, I can make them feel silly and unwanted. I can make a person feel like there is no place for them near me. I can cut them to the bone and move on with my day.

I don’t like having that power over another person. So, I try. I try very hard to remember that there is no place for tearing down. It’s not that hard to remember. When I’m face to face with a real live person, I see their eyes. I can feel the hurt I inflict, if I chose to inflict it. I can see the pain in their faces as I speak hateful hurtful words. I don’t want to tear them down. I may not be great at building up, but I can certainly stop myself from tearing down.

As I read through Unglued the first time, much of the book resonated in my heart. I do that. I do that one too. Oh man, that’s totally me right there. Over and over again, I can see myself. It tells me I’m not alone, which is comforting, but it also tells me I need to change.

What I realized most of all after reading the chapter on negative inside chatter, is that I have changed how I speak to others. I've measured my words and started listening to what I say to others and how I say it. I've made a huge effort to change my words to words that build up. I've started deleting the tearing down words from my vocabulary. But what I've failed to do is to change how I speak to myself.

I’d never thought of applying this simple reminder to my own thought life. Am I building myself up, or tearing myself down? Where our minds go, so go our hearts, and our actions, and our lives. What I discovered is that I don’t build myself up. I tear myself down with the same viciousness that the Tasmanian Devil tears through the trees in search of Bugs Bunny. I can rip through my self-esteem with the precision of a surgeon and the destructive power of an atom bomb. I’m fat. I’m dumb. I’ll never finish my book(s). I’ll never be a great wife or mother. I’ll never be the friend I’m supposed to be. I will never accomplish my dreams. Never. Useless. Ineffective. Pitiful. Broken.

But, I know that’s not true. I know that I’m loved and capable and (if I may say so) pretty smart. I know that I could finish every story I've ever started, and more if I would just sit down and do it. I know that I could lose weight if I’d make more of an effort. I know that I can change and be everything that I’m supposed to be. But it’s that voice, that negative chatter; it is full of the lies that keep me torn down.

I looked up “thoughts” on BibleGateway.com, and what I found was 40 subject references to our thoughts. The majority were about negative inside chatter.

Genesis 6:5   The LORD saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time.

Job 20:2   “My troubled thoughts prompt me to answer because I am greatly disturbed.

Psalm 10:4  In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

Psalm 55:2  …hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

Psalm 94:11 The LORD knows the thoughts of man; he knows that they are futile.

What this tells me is simple. God knew that we would have terrible damaging thoughts. He knew, as He knows everything, that if we let our minds chatter away that we would tear ourselves down, tear others down, and make ourselves ineffective to serve God’s purpose for our lives. If the Devil can’t have us, he’ll distract us. What is more distracting that all that negative chattering that runs through our minds?

But, God gave us a way out too:

Philippians 4:8   Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Today, I want to make that change. I want to take God’s way out. I want to set my thoughts on the truth, on the good, on the positive.