Seeing the Good

I'm blind. Well, not really, I can see with my eyes pretty well (with the help of glasses or contacts) but I'm oblivious to most of what is going on in my life. You've heard the glass half full or half empty personality test? Well, I don’t have a glass. 
 

I hate this personality trait in myself and I'm working on getting rid of it. I am a Negative Nelly. Debbie Downer at her finest. I don't see good stuff in my life when it's right in front of me! OK, that's a bit exaggerated, I know there's good stuff, in fact there is some beyond-awesome stuff in my life right now. But I am so focused on the bad that I overlook the good. 

Here's a perfect example. I was feeling down and left out for a couple of days. I was feeling alone and forgotten. Questioning friendships, questioning life and my role in it, just a really dark few days. When I come home from work every day, my mail is laying on my couch. I rifled through, tossed out the junk, tossed out the bills (oops), noticed a card and read it. I made diner and watched TV and went to bed, still feeling dark and moody. Still feeling alone and forgotten. Unappreciated and unnoticed.

Each morning I start my day by reading a devotional, checking Facebook, email and texts, and then writing out a prayer which is normally about two pages. That particular morning, I got my journal and a pen. I started out with my thanks and then started writing about how down I was, how I didn't fit in and I was uncomfortable. About how no one cared and how come I'm always wrong about people. Basically taking one bad thing that really happened and a few things that didn’t happen but I imagined that they did, and blowing them all into something that just wasn’t even true. So as I'm getting ready to really lay on the whining super thick, I remember the card. "Remember" isn't the right word, I should say I was reminded of the card.

A simple card that had come in the mail from someone that I really like and admire. The card wasn’t long or packed full of wisdom or sage advice. It was just a note that told me in a couple of sentences that they had been thinking of me. That they were glad I was in their life. Me. Debbie  Downer. The girl with no friends and no real place in this world. They had been thinking of me and wanted me to know it. 

To be honest with you, it was a pretty humbling experience on several levels. Someone thought of me as a friend and I had missed the significance of it. Overlooked the perfect timing of the message. Simply overlooked it. Left it lying on the couch with my other junk. But God reminded me in my early morning pity party. He listened to me cry about how I was all alone and said, "Really? What was that card you got yesterday? What about the one you got last week? Or that email you read? What about those texts? You think you're alone? I think you're just blind. Open your eyes. You are surrounded."

I want to see the good in my life. It's easy to point my finger and say that it's someone else's fault that I'm like this. I do believe that it is a learned response and I believe I learned from the best. But, it's time to accept that only I can change my behavior and at this point in my life I'm the only person that can take responsibility for how I act. 

Starting today, I have a glass, and it's not half empty and it's not half full. It's just mine. I can put whatever I want into it.

One can't complain. I have my friends. Someone spoke to me only yesterday.

Eeyore  ~A.A. Milne